What will go down in 2017’s history books is not just about politics and/or potential celebrity deaths, but the taste of game cartridges. Yes, this week, it was reported that Nintendo Switch cartridges have a disgusting taste to them, to prevent kids from eating them. What has the world come to? I decided to take it upon myself to investigate the worst tasting cartridges on the market*.
Let’s back up a bit and discuss the Nintendo Switch’s cartridge taste. Why would kids eat them in the first place? Why not make them bigger to make them look less like snacks and more…game-y? “To avoid the possibility of accidental ingestion, keep the game card away from young children,” Nintendo said. “A bittering agent (Denatonium Benzoate) has also been applied to the game card. This bittering agent is non-toxic.”
So, without further ado, let’s discuss the most rotten tasting cartridges out there.
5: Super Nintendo Cartridges – The 90’s were dominated by Nintendo and Sega’s rivalry. Before we had PlayStations or Saturns, you had to own one of these consoles. Sure, you could have had a PC, but most of us had one or the other consoles. The SNES carts are highly enticing, despite mostly being grey. Still, you could lick them all day, and you could indulge in a new addiction. Try one when you get the chance.
4: Gameboy Cartridges – These are delightful bite-sized treats that have been enjoyed by hundreds of thousands. The best thing about them is that they travel well, so you can bring them to school or long walks, stuffed into your pocket. While small, they are super sweet and also bad for your teeth. Enjoy responsibly.
3: Neo Geo Pocket Cartridges – These exquisite snacks are hard to come by, considering they never released outside Japan. Thankfully due to culinary advances and a desire in modern cultural, you can easily find these in most Asian eateries such as the local Chinese, Sushi bars, and any other good Japanese restaurants. While more of a mouthful than the Gameboy carts, these rare and fancy cartridges taste somewhat cold and raw. They’re a bit niche, and definitely not for everyone.
2: Nintendo DS/3DS cartridges – It appears that Nintendo are leading the industry in edible carts. That, or they just have a fine taste for them and want the world to enjoy them. The DS cartridges, both in this case, as they taste the same, are filled with the tears of consoles fanboys who envy the handhelds ability to blow all the rest of them away. However, tears are not tasty, and while many on the internet claim to ‘enjoy the taste’ of tears, they are lying. These taste like dirty, salty water, so avoid them.
1: Nintendo Switch Cartridges – New on the market as of this week, the Nintendo Switch carts have taken the world by storm, and will soon be enjoyed across the globe. Being the topic of the week due to the console’s release and the breaking news regarding its horrid taste, the Switch carts are the clear winner here, and with it hitting the high streets this weekend, we’re in for a Switch cart epidemic!
*This article is completely fake, and no research has been made into the taste of these, or any other cartridge. This is just silly, just like the actual story itself!