The GTA Breakup – A humourous, heartbreaking story

GTA Online breakupIn the middle of this week, one of Jornny’s closest Xbox and GTA Online buddies informed him that Santa would be bringing him a PlayStation 4. This friend already had one previously, but had sold it off. A PlayStation 4 was set to come between us, and in the tone of ‘another woman’, a conversation took place that split our sides. It also lead to a comical and emotional meeting on the beach of Vespucci in GTA Online.

To set the tone for the story, this friend Rob is someone I met through the 4-One Gaming Facebook page. He became a fan, and through Facebook interactions, a friend. We would meet most days to go shopping on GTA, explore our surroundings, take part in Heists and races, and anything else GTA Online had to offer. Through Xbox Live and 4-One, we became Facebook friends too, and I had the pleasure of speaking to his wife now and again. That all changed however, when she informed me one evening that Rob is joining the darkside….

Before you go shouting ‘Fanboy free?’, let it be known that this all takes place with a heavy dose of tongue-in-cheek mischief, through a pair of Facebook Messenger conversations. It started like this…

Lindsey: “Rob is crossing over to the dark side…”

Jornny: “Whaaaa?”

Lindsey: “PS4″

Jornny: “We’re no longer friends, Lindsey. Trying to take my Rob away from me :'( “

Lindsey: “Lol!! You’re preaching to the choir Jorn. Rob has worn me down lad!!”

Jornny: “I find this hard to accept. I feel like you’re telling me he’s met someone else. He’ll probably tell me it was an accident, or that they’re just friends, but I know how it is. I’ve been there before 🙁 ”

Lindsey: “Me too Jorn, it wasn’t that long ago he done it to me too. At first it was just one night, then two, then before you know it he has locked himself away in his room one night a week and requests not to be disturbed. Our marriage is a sham….” (referring to the Forza league nights and GTA sessions we play together)

Jornny: “Haha, these messages are just golden! Are you with him now?”

Lindsey: “Yeah he keeps giggling. Must be the honeymoon period…”

Jornny: “I’m hitting the beach of LS (GTA Online) in sandals to have some alone time 😛 If your character appears to be a shoulder, that would just make this whole situation funnier.”

Lindsey: “Lol! I honestly would but I needed a long hot bath to let this new turn of events sink in. Now I have opened the gateway to immortal financial constraints as a new gaming wish list is born.”

While conversing with Lindsey like this, I was also speaking to Rob with even more contempt for him, and we couldn’t help but laugh at the whole scenario.

Rob: “My beautiful wife got me a ps4 Black Friday deal for Xmas. Only thing is it’ll take forever to get delivered.”

Jornny: “Tell Lindsey I don’t love her anymore :'( ”

Rob: “Lol I’m still an Xbox eejit don’t worry x”

Jornny: “What’s her name? When did you meet her? Is it Bloodborne? Is it Uncharted? Drive club?!! That one’s a slut. Getting herself done up and more attractive lookin’ each month!! I bet she’ll let you access all her content on day one. The slut.”

Rob: “Lol. I get Black Ops 3 :/ the Uncharted Collection and nanananana Batmaaaan. Technically I didn’t buy it so it doesn’t count lol”

Jornny: “Wasn’t your fault no? Of course it wasn’t…. 😛 “

Rob: “Lol. I’m gonna find a new playmate called bjorn the eejit from Iceland lol 😛 ”

Jornny: “</3″

Rob: “Hahaha I’m only messing. No one could replace you I’m definitely not available for the next two races by the way. (referring again to the Forza league we take part in on Mondays).

Jornny: “Excuse me, I need some alone time in Los Santos. Gonna actually walk the beach in sandals in a public lobby. If I get killed, it still won’t hurt as much as it does right now :/ “

Rob: “Which is probably good as I’m awful at rio. Hahahahahaha don’t do it!!!!!!!!!! They’ll slaughter you”

Meanwhile, I had since loaded up GTA Online, and thinking how silly and dramatic I must be coming across, but it was all in the name of fun, and the silly comparison to a break up. I hopped onto my motorcycle, and in typical GTA Online fashion, I was murdered while driving out of my garage in a public lobby. Nothing ever changes. I respawned, hopped back on my bike, and ventured down to Vespucci beach and parked my car in its nearest car park.

Walking down to the beach in just shorts, a wife beater and sandals (which I put on for effect since loading the game up) I made my way down to the shoreline, and cycling through the extensive list of emotes, I settled with ‘face palm’. Little did I know that Rob would load up GTA Online to come find me, and as shown in the video below, he skids onto the sand in his car, proceeding to make sexual gestures towards me. What happened next was just fantastic GTA ‘acting’. In two recorded Xbox clips, which I then grouped together, uploaded to OneDrive and published on Youtube, I couldn’t be prouder of this hilarious scenario. If only I didn’t have all the HUD elements on display at the time. It’s like a rom-com gone wrong!

Following the unexpected conclusion, Lindsey text me saying “You’ve got us in fucking stitches,” while she stood behind Rob, watching the action in-game unfold. This is why I love GTA Online, and love gaming with friends online!

[Source: Youtube gameplay clip]

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