Pokémon go players attacked by laser wielding sex pigs

Disclaimer: Lindsay Lohan is not thought to be involved

The small Hamlet of Insjön in central Sweden is probably a quiet little area with not much going on. The events of last Friday may have shook things up a bit after two “sex pigs” potentially traumatized two teens and stopped traffic.

The town has a small population of 2,000, so when the two unsuspecting teens ventured out for some Pokémon hunting they probably didn’t count on being set upon by a couple of squealing pig people with lasers.

The teen’s mother told the newspaper Dalarnas Tidningar:

“They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser.”

The teens rushed home unharmed (possibly with a new found phobia of pigs) after the masked couple  sporting t-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’, shone the lasers in their faces.

Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens
The waterwheel. AKA the scene of the b-oinking

The porcine profligates then moved on to the hamlet’s picturesque waterwheel where they stopped for some gratuitous b-oinking. This, of course did not go unnoticed by passers by which caused traffic to be backed up on the highway as some curious folk left their cars to get a closer look at the bizarre scene.

The police were less concerned with the traffic jam, but more concerned about the alleged laser attack and public sex. Officer Daniel Hagthorpe told Dalamas Tidningar:

“Pointing at someone with green laser can cause injury if it hits the eyes, and their waterwheel sex could be considered sexual harassment if anyone took offence.”

The whereabouts or identities of the boinking spoinks is still a mystery. Whether the teens will ever play Pokémon go again is also unknown, but hey, at least spoink is gen III right?

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